LATE NIGHT LAVENDER

LATE NIGHT LAVENDER

Saturday, June 9, 2012

THE SHORT SHORTS CHRONICLES, Part 4: BUCK NAKED vs. FREE RANGE UNDIES!





So, what’s new in the men’s underwear industry? Apparently, lots! Actor/TV host/author Mario Lopez has a new underwear line, named “Rated M”. (Somewhere between PG-13 and NC-17, no doubt, which just about covers Lopez‘ career evolution…) Hanes has decided to remove all tags from their underwear bottoms, and they even plan to announce that celebratory decision with a series of new TV commercials. I can see the catchphrase now: “Don’t tag my bottom!” Country singer Luke Bryan delighted some fans and repelled others when he threw his sweaty camouflage-colored skivvies into a crowd after winning "Male Video of the Year" for his song "I Don't Want This Night to End" this past week at The 2012 Country Music Awards. While the gesture no doubt made one lucky fan’s night, at least one anonymous blogger was not impressed. “That's nasty. No one wants his undies after his stinkin crack has been parked in them," someone named MLB posted on “People” Magazine’s comment site. Ouch! While the debate goes on about whether getting smacked in the face by Luke Bryan’s underwear was a good thing or a bad thing, the popular clothing company Duluth Trading had started a new debate: Buck Naked versus Free Range? We’re still talking about men’s underwear here.  The Wisconsin based company (FYI, the company also offers “Plumber T’s” : extra long T-shirts that prevent butt crack from showing. I ain’t kidding!) is even likening the competition to the Abraham Lincoln versus Stephen Douglas debate of 1858, when the two men were both vying for a seat in the Illinois Senate. And… the website even allows you to vote for your favorite.   How very American!

Buck Naked Underwear is described as: “light and cool”, “sweat wicking“ (?), “fights stink” (although they don‘t say just HOW they fight stink…), and “feels like you’re wearing nothing”. Ranging in price from $14.50 for briefs to $29.50 for long johns, you can even get your boxers or tightie whiteys in a collectible gift “man can”. And, by the way, the undies also feature a “no gap fly” to prevent against “guest appearances”. As if that was a bad thing… The Free Range Underwear is organic cotton and described as “ultra soft”, “naturally stretchy” , and “won’t make you feel cooped up”. The prices range from $12.50 for briefs to $16.50 for boxers.


It seems that Buck Naked has the advantage.   Although Abraham Lincoln may not be anyone’s idea of an underwear model, he does have the “name”. And a celebrity endorsement is always an advantage, even if the celebrity was from another century. Plus, the Buck Naked Underwear has the advantage of being on YouTube…


Now, have any of my readers out there actually TRIED either of these underwear brands? Inquiring minds want to know!

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